Detoxification & The Master Cleanse: Day Eight
You looking at me, punk?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!
Anger, angry, angered:
severely inflamed and painful, a strong emotion that is oriented toward some real or opposed grievance; wrath; belligerence; indignation; vex; annoyed; take umbrage; rage; fury, furious; intense, explosive and often destructive emotion; seeking vengeance or punishment; righteous anger at something wrongful, unjust or evil, a feeling of great annoyance or antagonism; incense; infuriate; raise the roof; let off steam; get ticked off, pissed off, fucked off and more…
I’ve been angry from the moment I opened my eyes this morning! I hate the world. I hate everything in it. I hate you and I hate me. I am hard, resistant, uptight, blind, irritated, agitated, frustrated, complicated, over-rated, always baited, deflated, belated, under stated, everything’s hated! AAAAARRRRRRRRGH!!!! I wish I’d waited.
Anger is an enormously powerful emotion and it’s kinda blowing me away right now! There’s no reason for it (or rather, everything’s a reason for it!) My body is SO powerful – to think that it can generate this feeling from physiological processes. I’m in awe.
I’ve been doing a bit of googling (as you do) and the accounts I’ve come across from others experiencing anger while fasting seem to be related to sense of deprivation or hunger. I don’t feel deprived or hungry at all. Just bloody angry – like I’ve been taken over by a force beyond my control that has descended a heavy, dark cloud upon me and I am helpless under it’s weight.
I found this rather beautiful entry from Transforming Spirituality about anger while fasting:
In looking back at my experience with fasting during the month of Ramadan the thing that I struggled with most was Anger. It is a nagging shrew who was constantly tickling that back of my neck with her hot breath.
Often I find that awareness of the problem I am facing helps transform the issue. And in the past this has helped, particularly in the fasting context where physiological processes are enhancing negative emotional states, like anger. I have reminded myself that transforming anger is one of the lures of fasting as a spiritual practice. But this time it didn’t work. Sometimes, you emerge from a spiritual exercise with a different than intended experience. That was my fasting experience. And I kept wondering why I was doing it at all. I mean what is it worth if all I do is get grouchy and upset.
I think I have my own answer. That is even after all these years of fasting, I still find it challenging. The fact of its difficulty reminds me that the goal is not to have an easy time while fasting. Perhaps this was the best fast I have had in years because it was so tough. Fasting was worth the pursuit even if I didn’t like the outcome is not a reason to give up the exercise. I will repeat it again.
The ideas in this entry are far too profound and lofty for me to even contemplate approaching at the moment. Very beautiful. I agree…
Back to looking for reasons to be angry. My skin’s been absolutely pristine up to this point but today there are ANGRY zits around my mouth, my nose, between my eyes, my neck and my chest. Big balls of pus just waiting to be released upon the world to purge their toxic load.
Ugh. I think I’ll stop there. I’m getting angry at my fingers. I’m getting angry at my keyboard. For further explanations of fasting anger have a squiz at Day 13 of Susan’s 40 Day Fast.